2018年雅思作文如何从5.5分提升到6.5分?
素手挽歌 2018-01-11     16:42 来源: 来自互联网
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摘要:雅思作文从5.5分提升到6.5分,想必这是很多考生都想实现的目标。那么如何做能让雅思作文从5.5分提升到6.5分呢?这1分的差距如何突破呢?

2018年雅思作文如何从5.5分提升到6.5分?

雅思作文从5.5分提升到6.5分,想必这是很多考生都想实现的目标。那么如何做能让雅思作文从5.5分提升到6.5分呢?这1分的差距如何突破呢?

对此,我们邀请了三立在线教育雅思网的雅思导师指导备考雅思的同学们如何写出6.5分的雅思作文。

我们以这个雅思题目为例:

Some groups of people benefit tremendously from modern communication technology,but some others think it is not beneficial to them at all. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

有一些人认为,从现代通讯技术可以获得巨大的好处,但也有一些人认为这并不有利于他们。你是同意还是反对呢?

就这个题目,我们先来分析一位学生的5.5分雅思作文:

第1段: With the widespread use of the Internet and technological progression, it is more easier to contact each other. Some people profit from modern communication technology,especially who are far apart from each other ,while others do not. From where I stand, there are some people can not enjoy the benefit from convenient communication in the information age.

点评:作为开头段,本段思路是不错的,但是需要做如下修改:(1)progression - progress; (2) More easier - much easier; (3) especially who are far... - especially those who are far...; (4) there are some people cannot enjoy - some people cannot enjoy / there are some people who cannot enjoy; (5) 根据后文,增加了because of poverty and their age,开头段直接点出后面要论述的主题,增加文章的连贯性。

第2段:To start with, people in remote area or impoverished countries where they still stay in touch with each other by letter or telegram could not enjoy the convenience from advanced communication techniques. They are not well-informed about the progress of those modern technologies owing to the limited news resources. In addition, many remote regions still do not have access to mobile phone coverage and the Internet. Because the local governments may not afford the fee in terms of the high cost of building some communication base station and burying optical fiber.

点评:本段写得不错,如果这篇雅思作文的全文都能写到这个水平,6.5-7分都有可能,但存在问题:(1) may not afford不是一个常见的搭配,应该是cannot afford; (2) 通讯站,光纤之类可用communication infrastructure来统称,其中infrastructure的意思是“基础设施”。

第3段:We can not deny the fact that that modern means of communication have became an indispensable part in people’s lives due to their merits. Email, smart phone, instant messaging programme (like Wechat,Line) and social networking websites (Twitter,Facebook) have greatly improved the efficiency and effectiveness of long-distance for many people. With signal covering, they enable people to contact with friends and family members wherever and whenever possible .Moreover, modern communication technology has lowered the costs of communicating. However, some people ,especially the elder, do not profit from the development of communication technology. It is of great difficulties for them to learn how to use email or instant messaging APP. Accordingly , the elder still utilize relatively original means of communication, like telephone and mails.

本段问题最大,尤其是思路。本段论证“老年人无法享受现代通讯科技”,但本段前面一大段都在讲现代科技的优势所在,这是离题的。应该一开始就像第二段那样提出主题句,然后展开论证,即为什么老年人无法享受通讯科技。修改文提出了两个原因,一是他们习惯了传统方法,二是他们学不会现代设备,然后举爷爷为例,他不认识罗马字母,因此无法使用现代通讯科技。这样论证很清楚,很清晰。

第4段: To conclude, I would concede that modern communication technology enable tons of people to enjoy the convenience. Despite that, some people , including people in remote areas and the elder, are not beneficial from these. Over all, I am convinced that government should provide funds for remote region to develop accesses to the Internet and mobile phone coverage. Also the media is supposed to popularize the advanced communication technology for the elder.

点评:结尾段思路不错,仅有几个用词小错误。

经修改后的6.5分雅思作文:

With the widespread use of the Internet and technological progress, it is much easier to contact each other. Some people profit from modern communication technology, especially those who are far apart from each other, while others do not. From where I stand, I do find some people can not enjoy the benefit from convenient communication in the information age because of poverty or their age.

To start with, people in remote area or impoverished countries where they still stay in touch with each other by letter or telegram could not enjoy the convenience from advanced communication techniques. They are not well-informed about the progress of those modern technologies owing to the limited news resources. In addition, many remote regions still do not have access to the Internet connection, because the local governments cannot afford the high cost of building the Internet and communication infrastructure such as the optical fiber.

Furthermore, the elderly people also find that they can hardly benefit from the modern communication technology. They have been so used to the traditional ways of communication that some of them can never adjust themselves to the new methods. There are also some old people who find that they simply cannot learn how to use email or instant messaging APPs, though to the young, these are really simple applications. My grandpa is an example. His inability to recognize Roman letters makes it impossible for him to use any of these convenient means of communication.

To conclude, modern communication technology enables many people to enjoy its conveniences. Despite that, some people , including people in remote areas and the elder, are not benefited from these. Over all, I am convinced that government should provide funds for remote region to develop accesses to the Internet connection. Also the media is supposed to popularize the advanced communication technology to the elderly. (307 words)

三立在线教育雅思频道为大家提供2018年最新的雅思备考资料,需要的同学可点击下方图片免费领取。

2018年雅思作文如何从5.5分提升到6.5分?

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